Monday, October 19, 2009

re: my weekend drama, further thoughts.

An anonymous commenter pointed out something that I've thought of - that one of my wedding guests reading my ridiculous rantings here would likely not take too kindly to my complaining and nonsense. But he/she took it to a strange conclusion, stating that I might have, I don't know, weird emotional motives for inviting people to a wedding. Which I don't really think is the case... any more than it's arguable that weddings period are had for weird emotional motives.

Perhaps it's because this commenter doesn't know me, which luckily most of my guests do. Or perhaps it's because I don't explain myself too well when I get all wiley like that. Anyway, here is the majority of my response to that comment, which certainly has merit. I hope that it will shed a little more light on the subject.

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...and yes, when I invite people to the wedding I am saying that they are important to me - particularly because it's a pretty small wedding. So when they don't acknowledge either the engagement or the invite, I feel like they're telling me that I'm/we're not important to them, regardless of whether they're important to us. See? That's, uh, pretty much the whole problem.

Anyway, the issue of my emotional problems is one frequently discussed on this here blog. But I'm certainly not the only girl around who has wanted the people in her life to be excited about her wedding (or hurt when they don't seem to be). The only one of my neuroses really coming into play here is that I'm likely jumping to conclusions in saying that people aren't excited or happy for us or whatever.

I wouldn't call that having an ulterior "emotional agenda". I just have a lot of things in my past that affect my ability to judge situations with sanity.
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So maybe that makes a little more "sense", as much as any of it makes sense? I don't claim that I'm logical.

See, I think what happened here was that I let my self be unadulteratedly happy about wedding things for a minute - that is always extremely dangerous territory, both because I get way too pie-in-the-sky and because my brain begins to look for what's going to go wrong.

I'm telling you, I have a great psychotherapist. I'm not kidding. We do really good work every Thursday. This week will be major.

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