Sunday, May 31, 2009

And somehow, I'm still not wearing a ring.

Yeah, we're still planning a wedding in New Orleans. Jonathan doesn't seem to be heding away from this one; I think this is the right idea. I hope.

Plans are pretty much in full swing, actually, to the extent that this version of the wedding event this far out can be planned. My mother did really go out to the park last Tuesday and put down cash on the barrelhead to reserve us the Peristyle. I use the term "reserve" loosely, of course; it's not as if the park is going to do anything to indicate to anyone that the space is being used for an event on that given Saturday. It simply means that we have the right to tell people to scat should they get in the way, and that if they won't we can call park security... who will show up eventually, I'm sure.

We're looking at photographers, and we think we've settled on Marc Pagani Photography. This item is the biggest outlay by far, so we want someone really good. We'll probably actually be using his top associate, Scott Myers, rather than Marc himself.

I've redesigned the invitations, and I've been looking for printers. For whatever reason, the girl that I'd been using before has completely flaked on me. And truth be told, she was always a little bit flaky. Well, I'm not going to beg anyone to let me pay them a few hundred bucks, so the search began anew. I'm excited about the new potential printer I've found - she's a zine maker! Anyway, more on that if it evolves into a real deal.

As far as the save-the-dates, those of course have been redesigned as well. I've ordered a rubber stamp with the design; we'll see how that turns out. It may or may not be acceptable. Hopefully it is, and I can "print" them myself on the billions of 3.5" x 5" cards that I've already bought.

We've emailed a limo company in New Orleans; they never wrote back so I s'pose I'll have to call them. We want the '56 Bentley. Just for me and Jon, and just for us to arrive to the ceremony in and leave from the ceremony in... and maybe, just maybe, arrive to the party in, depending on price. Who knows; maybe it's worth it to have a driver for the day.

As far as food, there's only so much we can figure out ten months in advance. We're not having caterers, and we have a good idea of what restaurants we'd like to get trays of food from. The big things left to figure out are where we can get vegan dessert items, if we can get a vegan cake, and where to have lunch after the ceremony. These things will largely be addressed when we're in town in August.

So, uh, what's left? Well there's flowers. My mom cares about them, apparently. She wants to decorate the house. I told her power to ya; use ranunculus and dogwood, cuz those are our flowers. She asked about my bouquet, and I told her that I'd already ordered it - because it's silk. I think she tried to jump through the phone. "Silk!?" Yes mother dear, and what ever are the ladies at the country club to think? Why they'll be aghast, simply aghast...

And then there's the minister, or as Jon likes to say the preacher. The more I think about it the more I know that, since the ceremony will only involve the tiny group of us, it's not going to feel "real" to me if we don't have it done by a "real" minister. We've found one guy who will do it for about two hundred bucks. No problem, says I. I'm going to look around for a minute for other officiants though, just to see what's out there really.

Oh, and then there's the dress. I've got my eye on one from Aria - they finally started doing a ball gown style and it's just to die for. I may be heading down to DC in July to hit up the showroom and see how these dresses look on me, as opposed to the size zero models on the website. But I can't make any decisions, because I've promised mommy dearest that we'll go shopping together when I come down in August. Thankfully, my darling Monica may be coming to town at the same time and able to join us. Either way, I'm going to need a stiff drink afterward.

The rings? We been done havin' those. There's Jonathan's suit, but that's his deal. He'll worry about it when he sees fit.

So yeah, I guess that's the big stuff. There are, of course, a thousand and one details. Where will we set up food at my parents' house, and where will the guest book go? Oh, right, and what the hell am I doing for a guest book? I've got some ideas, but they haven't really gelled. And then, what about the out-of-towners? Gotta find a hotel to suggest. Can I get a good rate for them? Am I making gift baskets? Do I need to make map cards so they know how to get to the party?

The more I think about it, the more this doesn't feel like a small wedding at all. But then, is any wedding ever really small? I mean, it always ends up with two people getting married, right? Which if it's being done for any of the right reasons is always fairly huge.

I'm having a pessimistic day today, in general. So all I can think about the wedding is that I want more to be established, and that my hands are tied in having any more details set until the date is nearer. I'm also being utterly plagued by the feeling that, well, I've done this all before... and that it didn't go so well that time. Need I tell you that it's not a good feeling?

I keep having the urge to talk to my mom. I've been fighting it down, because she makes me feel worse about five times more often than she makes me feel better. Right now she's excited and happy about the wedding plans, and if I brought all this doubt and fear and frustration to her I feel like I'd just be tainting the well. My relationship with my parents is too fragile, not to mention too crucial to this event now, for me to risk it. But... but... she's my mom. If you can't talk about your wedding fears with your mom, who can you talk to? I guess this is why I have a therapist.

The stupid truth of all of this is that I shouldn't even be thinking about the wedding right now. I am quite limited in what more I decide for this thing, at least until our trip in August, on top of which I have approximately a million other things I should be paying attention to. Work is insane, both of my Etsy shops are languishing, and I just signed up to table at a zine fest in less than a month - not to mention that we haven't finished unpacking, we still need to buy furniture, and I haven't really addressed needing to move out of my studio and get it rented. And yet, I can't seem to put down the bridal fever. It's like a disease. Oddly, despite its level of complication, thinking about the wedding is easier than dealing with some other things that are going on.

And finally: green dress or blue dress? Please submit your vote via comments.


Nerdiah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nerdiah said...

You're right; "what do you want from a marriage?" and "what do you want from a wedding?" are two very different questions. The first one is almost easier to answer because it's simply practical. It just requires a bit of sensible rational thinking and you get an answer.

But a wedding isn't a concrete thing, it lives in a strange symbolic space. It's a symbol about family, emotions, history, and memories. You can't just think your way through that stuff, you have to be able to feel your way through it too, and those of us who've had that ability messed with in our past will have a much harder time of it.

The problem with my question was that I was trying to get a rational answer to an emotional question. It would be rational to just have the most minimal wedding and not stress about it, but it doesn't really address what a wedding is meant to do.

The alternative would be to not even bother trying to have a wedding, and just not work through any of that stuff, so good for you :-)

So, which style number dress is the one that you've picked on that website? Your link just points to the main page.

melissa bastian. said...

This one's the frontrunner at the moment:
Not in white of course though. I think in a cornflower blue kind of color. But until I see these dresses on me I won't be able to tell for sure.

Y'all need an update bigtime - hopefully soon. :)

Tamarinara said...

wait, why did he "give the ring back?" why was it taken away?

melissa bastian. said...

Ohhh, that's sort of ancient history at this point. You weren't there yesterday at lunch when we were talking about why the ceremony is just family... there was a lot of reticence on Jon's end about the whole wedding thing, which I of course construed as him not wanting to marry me, which it wasn't. But it got really messy for a while... I didn't get to see you enough this weekend. We need to go have drinks.